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"Laser my wife wants to go back to work what should I do?"

If your wife feels the need to reestablish options in the world, there are only 3 real routes you can take.

1. Do nothing, "I support you". Sponsor your wife as she strays from the marriage to go explore other kingdoms to hop to.

2. Assert standards. Tell your wife that you do not want her divided between your house/marriage/children and the outside world. That you want her to focus her energy where she is needed most: with her family and the family's closest contacts (ideally church). That there are plenty of vocations she can pursue that will enhance the family experience.

3. Help her leave. "If you want to go explore the world I will help you." Get her her own place where she can start a new career. Have her sign divorce papers. Move on.

Option two is best. Three is bad but better than one which is worst.

Generally speaking, you should always make it very easy to leave while holding a very high standard to remain.

#MasculineFrame

kepford 1mo ago 💬 1

Mar 10:11-12 ESV And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Mat 19:7-9 ESV They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”i

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kepford 1mo ago 💬 2

Important to remember this and not be hyper focused on working in vs outside of the home. This is not grounds for divorce.

Leadership requires submission but ideally you marry someone that isn't surprised by your desire and vision for marrage.

We make a promise before God. A vow to one another. Its not taken seriously in our culture and this issue is at the root of many other issues.

Laser 1mo ago 💬 2

A man sets the standard for his household. A woman either follows, or exits.

If a woman exits the marriage to be with another, then she is in sin.

If a woman refuses to conform to her husband's standard for his household, she is in sin.

If a man refuses to either set or enforce a standard for his household, he is in sin.

Laser 1mo ago 💬 1

If a woman leaves a man's household to be in the world, he should assume she is ending the relationship and seek officialization of the divorce she initiated.

Laser 1mo ago

There is no reality where a woman can leave a man's household without leaving the marriage.

The above is a divorce initiated that needs be completed.

kepford 1mo ago 💬 2

If a husband is loving his wife and laying down his life for her as Christ did for His church she would have no desire to look elsewhere. Its easy to sell tough sounding language but not as enticing for young men to realize the depth of our responsibility in leading.

If you have seen some years this passage makes sense. The admitation for husbands and wives make sense. Our temptations differ in marriage.

Eph 5:22-33 ESV Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

kepford 1mo ago 💬 1

No husband following this would desire his wife to leave. This is not the heart of Christ. This is an attitude of contempt. He would be broken hearted at the choice of his bride to leave. He would be greaved. Not a man sticking out his chest.

Laser 1mo ago 💬 3

Why do you assume setting high standards in a marriage is "an attitude of contempt"?

Wishy washy, feminine men who overaccomodate their wife are comforting themselves instead of loving their wife by *doing their duty*.

Why do you assume that the wife has no sin in such a manner? That wanting to leave a man's house and reenter the world... must be the man's fault?

You are making an idol of feminism, sir.

Laser 1mo ago 💬 2

"Not a man sticking out his chest."

This type of gay tone policing is not Christianity.

Laser 1mo ago 💬 1

You need to read this and reflect.

It's attitudes like yours that have completely surrendered the West to this modern feminist hellscape.

Study and repent.

kepford 1mo ago

Wow, you don't know me or my family and are telling me to repent.

I think we agree on the problems. And even most of the solutions.

I was simply adding some scriptural context. The reality is that most modern Christians don't wanna even talk about the roles of husbands and wives. Men need to be told to lead as you say, but also take ownership of their family and that includes being the priest of the home.

You need to know when to be firm and gentle. You aren't always firm or always gentle. It's not about how the husband feels. Paul advises men and women in the areas we struggle with. But you are talking to men and seeming to make light of the destruction of marrage. A man whose wife leaves him should look at himself not just what she did. It's called humility. It's not feminine to realize that we all have flaws.

You seem to need me to be something I'm not to fit into your frame.

kepford 1mo ago

LOL. OK bro.

kepford 1mo ago 💬 2

Hardly. I would never marry a feminist in the first place. Nor am I supporting it. You don't know me. I don't know you. I simply see how what you wrote could be misunderstood by young men who (like me in my youth) had an inflated ego of my correctness.

Most young men are idiots and need good examples to correct them. The do need to be encouraged to be the man but it's more and deeper than the man being right.

Laser 1mo ago

"No husband following this would desire his wife to leave."

You assumed a desire to leave instead of a willingness to lead.

Women respond to actions not pleading. This is a sound strategy when confronted with a strength test disguised as a desire to exit a man's house.

kepford 1mo ago

Not suggesting pleading. But divorce should be a last thing not an exit plan. Your post reads like an exit plan.

kepford 1mo ago

You are this one assuming. Of course the wife would be sinning. But as a husband you still have your responsibility and if you are just looking for an out there's a deep problem.

Feminism is a massive issue leading to destruction. I think we can agree on that.

I think you are making a lot of assumptions. I'm doing nothing but stating the obvious here. Wives are to submit to the headship of the husband but your framing makes it sound like this is a business arrangement instead of promise made before God. A man should never enter into a marriage with the type of woman you are describing and the response sounds like a dude that doesn't really love his wife.

This is probably common. Two selfish people that will marry several times

Laser 1mo ago 💬 1

This is tone policing and white knighting.

"If a husband is loving his wife and laying down his life for her as Christ did for His church she would have no desire to look elsewhere"

The idea that a woman cannot sin by escaping or fleeing the hardship of her marriage is a feminist idea, not a Christian one.

If a wife is loyal she will not leave a man's household, the man who is laying down his a life for her as Christ did, and yet women do that because they are also sinners.

A man's job is leadership, not bathing his woman in emotional tenderness like you imply.

kepford 1mo ago

I mean it's pretty clear in Scripture. I'm not suggesting men be pushovers. On the contrary. We should treat our wives with love but also not be passive. I've seen men take this in both directions. Being an impossible tyrant. And being a passive loser. Both are wrong. Both come from insecurity.

Young men need older men with confidence and experience to push them away from both extremes. You can feel free to ignore me. But I think you know what I mean.

kepford 1mo ago

"Leadership requires submission but ideally you marry someone that isn't surprised by your desire and vision for marriage."

I need to clarify this. The husband is the head but the wife does need to submit. But I can only lead. I can't make my wife submit. It should be clear if I'm doing my job that she will be safe with me. My temptation is to be hard and selfish. Her's is to be headstrong and resist my leadership. This is what Paul is pushing against.

If I'm leading and loving as Christ loves the church I'm doing my part. My responsibility isn't contingent on her being submissive. Nor is her responsibility on me being a loving leader. But when we both surrender to Christ and His design for marriage we will both be where we need to be.

The thing is, this isn't popular with the modern woman, nor the modern boy, I mean man. In our culture men wanna be little boys and be passive. Let the women lead. Women are encouraged to be domineering over men and be all about themselves and their own happiness.

The modern roles for men and woman are deeply flawed and so are many reactions to this. Domineering men (weak men) find weak women. Strong men do not want a weak woman. And a godly woman does not want a weak man. Even if she struggles with submission she wants a man that will stand up and lead. I've seen this many times over the years.

Marry well guys. Expectations need to understood before we stand before God and enter this holy covenant. Its nothing to take lightly. Its nothing to boast about. When a marriage fails its something to mourn. Its sin and brokenness.

The answer is not feminism or weak men. The answer is strong God fearing men and woman that realize what marriage is.