🚨 We're Hiring a Chief Theatre Officer (CTO)
📍 Location: Hybrid / Remote / Unaccountable
🏢 Company: FiatTech® | "Empowering Possibilities, Ignoring Delivery"
Are you a visionary technocrat who thrives on alignment meetings, strategy offsites, and delegating real work? Do you speak fluent Jira, OKRs, and QBRs?
We’re looking for YOU to lead our tech division into the illusion of progress.
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🔧 Key Responsibilities:
Lead a team of 10–50 emotionally volatile engineers pretending to build something groundbreaking
Ensure a healthy backlog of Jira tickets nobody reads
Produce exquisite R&D tax reports describing imaginary features using words like “AI,” “blockchain,” and “next-gen”
Act as the human bridge between investor hopium and developer burnout
Never ship anything. Just keep talking about how close we are
Maintain a culture of performative productivity and terminal ambiguity
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🧾 Qualifications:
12+ years of experience doing absolutely everything and nothing
Proven track record of “driving innovation” through slide decks
Must have scaled an engineering org from 3 to 300 while outsourcing all core complexity
Experience managing post-merger chaos, pre-funding panic, and Agile™ in name only
Comfort navigating "cross-functional misalignment" as a strategy
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🧠 Bonus Buzzwords (Required But Not Really):
"Deep understanding of cloud-native microservice architectures"
"Experience with scalable blockchain governance frameworks"
"Strong communicator able to interface with C-Suite and junior interns alike"
"Track record of building high-performing teams in low-performance companies"
"Thought leader in AI ethics but still signed off that surveillance MVP"
"MBA preferred. Moral backbone optional."
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💼 At FiatTech®, our mission is to extend runway, not roadmap.
We believe in storytelling over shipping, and managing perceptions over managing sprints.
🕳️ Apply now to join a company where everyone’s job is to make everyone else look busy.
#CTO #WeAreHiring #Agile #Leadership #RDFantasy #TechTheatre #BurnRateOptimized #SaaSNeverLaunched
