I was trying to self-host ejabberd or prosody with audio and video calls pretty much because of that.

Few times

Still trying

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Chat apps have a heavy reliance on network effects, self-hosted solutions will not be able to cut it.

MLS on nostr is promising, and perhaps the only possible solution to this problem.

What is MLS?

Messaging Layer Security. It's a protocol for encrypted group messages, so far it has required central servers, though nostr:nprofile1qqspwwwexlwgcrrnwz4zwkze8rq3ncjug8mvgsd96dxx6wzs8ccndmcpzemhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuurjd9kkzmpwdejhgqgcwaehxw309aex2mrp0yh8xmn0wf6zuum0vd5kzmqpzfmhxue69uhhqatjwpkx2urpvuhx2uctyqxu5 has figured out how to do it with nostr and we have whitenoise which is kind of like signal on nostr.