when i was in the shower half an hour ago and made the decision that i was going to quit on that commitment that was squeezing me like in a vise i felt a tremendous sense of relief
yes i also felt like a failure but on a scale from 1 to 10 the strength of the feeling of failure was maybe 4 while that of relief was like 7, so i knew then it was the right decision
i just realized i was at a point where the harder i pushed the more i was fucking up, and i knew that to "make it" i would have to push even harder and that was clearly not the answer
so now i will not do anything productive AT ALL and just do whatever i enjoy until i feel like myself again