I never spend money on mediocre stories regardless of a writer's health status. Just write good stuff! π
I'm sorry for your chronic health trial. I know it's not easy (to say the least). It can drive a person nuts.
My Catholic self wants to tell you to join your sufferings to Christ and offer them for others. A person who suffers well can be the best pray-er ever, alongside younger children. I don't know if you are Christian, but you should consider Jesus. He is the answer to your longings, and he's calling you. He can help you carry your cross.
My wife and I will pray a rosary for you tonight.