Managing relays is like configuring SMTP servers, I want to hide or automate it as much as possible, eventually. In Nostur you could use Relay Connection stats to kind of find out who is using which relays, I wrote how I use that here: nostr:nevent1qqspmnx62g439w7mnr7aqr6s56y6e9l08th0u60e2elglx2h49sn0rgzyzd7p0swvnfc52dfemy6tj80tkrnc2l62d32fd2cmf0ldx7rewupuqcyqqqqqqgpzamhxue69uhkvctzd9skutnwdaehgu339e3k7mgpp4mhxue69uhkummn9ekx7mqtj3lw2 additionally when you use Relay Autopilot you shouldn't have to worry about any of this but it won't really work unless most other clients also use it (outbox) properly.
Discussion
in the outbox model, every user still configures which relays they personally want to post to right? How do they choose exactly? Are they choosing their “home base” relay?
I keep wondering if it may make more sense to intentionally choose relays on a post by post basis. Different logic behind that UX, but it’s definitely easier to conceptualize. Less of a black box