Hey! I watch your feed here because it brings normality and calmness to me. It really does. And you say you have stupid suicidal thoughts and such? No girl, fuck those thoughts. I am sure you can do much much better.
The way to stable material life is to find a stable situation that doesn't sufficate you. I am 45 and didn't find it yet, but hey, i always tried to do what i like and that gives me the certainty that i am always on the right path, because this is the way i do what i want in my lifetime and that doesn't need always money if any actually, depending the situation