I think of this often. My hatred for the corruption of the current system we live under has become much of who I am. I’ve tried so hard to dissolve my ego and let it go but I can’t. The friends I’ve lost, the families I’ve seen destroyed. I want vengeance. The closer I get to breaking free from the system that tried to kill me, the more the survivors guilt creeps up and tries to pull me back down. I’ve tried many times to talk to myself and reason with my ego to prepare for the loss of self that I will feel when I can truly let go of the hate, the rage… but whenever I get close, that part of me lashes out with authority and lets me know it has no interest in going quietly.

I guess it comes down to what is success? what is failure? It’s unique to all of us. For me it’s will allow myself to be truly happy? I honestly don’t know if I’m capable. nostr:note1tduyunjnnwhvrsnhnqxpd4mcd8wls35psnree3f5kngttyme0pxqzvl08c