I always thought I wanted a really good long term relationship, and I was looking for my life partner. But after sleeping with someone, I often no longer wanted a long term relationship with her and I'd start looking for the next one. Somehow I always seemed to realize that only after I slept with her, as if my own mind was lying to me about whether she would make a good mate because what I really wanted (apparently) was to bang all the not-too-ugly girls. I'm not proud of it, I'm ashamed of most of it. I think everybody would have been better off if there were cultural norms supressing this behavior, but cultural norms around this in California were (are), well, as loose as all fuck.