Even though the messages themselves are encrypted, relays can always see who I'm messaging and how frequently we chat, right?

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Yes, we can see that if we login with the npub to snort.social, etc 🐶🐾⚡️

Interesting. Wonder what that will mean for the InfoSec types.

Also, where is all of the data saved, ultimately?

Relay, I think, encrypted with your nsec keys 🔑🐶🐾

What's the cost/benefit to adding to multiple relays?

More connections to maintain, more battery/bandwidth consumed. More relay, better reach. Most of the relays do not sync with each others, except maybe for nostr.wine 🐶🐾⚡️

And all still the same spam bots, I see

who knows? finally it will end at amazon aws....

I advise you run your nostr relay,I am runing mine on cheapear hardware.

How does one set the relay up? What are the costs?

very difficult to answer, I don't know if chat gpt could help us haha just kidding.... is a difficult and long answer, try to search on https://nostr.how