6 Things a Narcissist Wants You to Lose
One of the first things a narcissist wants you to lose is your self-esteem.
Self-esteem means having a healthy relationship with yourself — loving who you are, accepting your flaws, and trusting your own abilities. This is exactly what a narcissist wants to destroy in order to gain control over you. They will criticize you, belittle you, and try to silence you. They’ll make you feel like your opinions don’t matter, as if your voice is invalid. They want you to doubt yourself, stop trusting your instincts, and neglect your own needs — because then, all your love and energy goes to them. When your confidence is gone, they can move on to the next thing: your identity.
Your identity is what makes you you — your values, personality, appearance, and interests. But with low self-esteem, you may begin to change. You might stop taking care of yourself, feel unsure about who you are, and even start to look or act like a different person. The narcissist wants to strip away your individuality, turning you into a shadow of yourself. When you lose that sense of uniqueness, you also become less attractive to others — exactly what the narcissist wants.
The third thing they want you to lose is your independence.
They want you to rely on them completely — emotionally, financially, or both. They aim to isolate you from friends and family, making you feel like you have no one else. Because if you need them, you can’t leave them. It becomes a trap where they control your every move.
The fourth thing a narcissist wants you to lose is your grip on reality.
Through gaslighting, they manipulate your sense of truth. They want you to believe everyone is against you and that they are the only one who truly understands you. They want to cut you off from people who genuinely care about you and surround you with toxicity. Their goal? To control your mind — so you only see and believe what they want you to.
The fifth thing they target is your mental health.
They do this by creating chaos — disturbing your sleep, triggering constant stress, insulting you, blaming you, and making you feel like you're “crazy.” They want to break you down until you’re too exhausted or afraid to leave. Poor mental health makes it harder to face life’s challenges, which is exactly what the narcissist wants. They thrive when you're struggling.
The sixth and final thing they want you to lose is your inner peace and happiness.
You feel lost. You don’t know who you are anymore. You stop trusting people. You feel worthless and hopeless. Your mental health suffers — and often your physical health too — as a result of the toxic environment they create. They now have full control, and your happiness depends on someone who neither loves you nor cares about you.
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But here’s the truth:
Narcissists work overtime to destroy these things in you because a strong, confident, and healthy version of you threatens them. When you begin to heal, they panic — because they no longer have power over you. Your recovery disrupts their illusion of control.
You can rebuild what they tried to take. It’s not easy, and it takes time — but you can reclaim your self-worth, identity, freedom, and peace. And once you do, the narcissist is left with nothing but envy. Because deep down, narcissists are filled with resentment and jealousy toward anyone who dares to be happy, successful, and loved.
So protect your self-esteem. Know yourself. Love yourself. And never let anyone destroy your relationship with you.
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