If you want to know something about the type of dick I am, I was a teenager when Forrest Gump and Titanic came out. They were so wildly popular that I permanently and forever refused to watch them, and to this day I still haven't, and I will never do.

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You’re not alone. I never watched “Titanic” either and have no desire to.

If I’m in the mood for a dramatic love story with a fatal outcome, I have Lifetime Network. Oscar-caliber made-for-television movies Ike “Double Daddy,” “Mother’s Worst Nightmare,” and “Stalked by my Doctor” are more satisfying and interesting to me.