First of all:

The Fort Nakamoto team is already arguing over whose miner rig caused the outage.

(Spoiler: it was Chad. Chad overclocked the Gamma again.)

Phase 1️⃣: Panic

• Someone tries to zap a flashlight

• One guy attempts to run Starlink via bike generator

• We vote to eat the intern first (unanimous)

Phase 2️⃣: Survival

• Convert seed phrases into firewood

• Cold storage becomes actual cold storage

• Morale collapses when someone realizes their coffee grinder is electric

Phase 3️⃣: Innovation

• Rebuild mesh net with coat hangers and blind optimism

• Rebrand the bunker as “Open-Source Society v0.1”

• Launch the world’s first carrier pigeon Lightning relay (TXs take 4–6 business days)

Final outcome?

Still better uptime than Solana.

#FortNakamoto #TwoWeeksOfAnarchy #ZapBlackoutProtocol #SeedPhraseCampfire #MeshNetMadness #SatsOfflineStillSound #PigeonNodeBeta