Is this filtering happening on the client level? If so could the client accept DMs from unconnected pubkeys provided they contain a signed invite from someone in your network?

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Yes, it could. Shouldn't be too much extra work on the CPU if relays take care of spam prevention.

Like Vitor suggested, it could help for the wrapped DMs to use a different kind so the relays are able to treat them differently from regular DMs, and optimise accordingly.