I started on Sunday but only practiced 3 times.

the first day was strange. I tried to record that but that was very hard for me because it brought to light what I tried to hide from myself for so long: the appearance of my body. it was so hard to see that I was worried about that, I felt so shallow. but that's what happened.

I practiced again only on the day 3. I think I was afraid to face that thoughts and worries. I was not ok with that. but during the practice I started to accept the thoughts and let them go a few times. and I could pay attention to the movements of my body, to my strength, to the process instead of the result. and I started to write about it that day.

later I couldn't find the time when I was alone to do that. because handstand for me was like something so intimate.

the next day was today. I was almost skipping today's practice, but I looked in the mirror and decided not to record, but to see my practice in the mirror. my daughter and my son was around so I couldn't really pay so much attention to my thoughts, but I felt like something changed within me, cause I was ok with them seen my practice. and when that ended we had an amazing time together. ❤️

the practice is taking me to what I tried not to face: the surface of my body, the lines that bring it to material life, what I can see of my body. to face my body's appearance and to look at it with resting eyes is my challenge for now I guess.