I’m a cuck. I’d rather not go to jail for tax evasion and leave my family without a father/husband.

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Sorry to hear that mate.

Recommend checking out https://kycnot.me/ for DEXs.

Bisq is a good one.

Also use tor, or Mullvad VPN šŸ‘.

It's not your money if it can be taxed.

Thanks

This guide also covers quite a bit if you want more information.

https://bitcoinmagazine.com/guides/how-to-buy-bitcoin-anonymously

I also recommend checking out

https://ashigaru.rs/ (They're a samourai fork)

you are n number of laws away from giving all your bitcoin to the government

what you just wrote is true for ANY law they might come up with in the future

fear is the mind killer