I thought they were gonna "break Bitcoin" with it? We don't have ANYTHING?

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Bitcoin is one of the few real technological breakthroughs in the past 50 years. Mostly it's a lot of financial engineering, a lot of incremental improvements to existing tech, and a lot of hype with no real world application. But hey, we're eviscerating the foundational values of Western civilization, and the richest man in the world sells road legal oversized golf carts to keep cow farts from boiling the ocean, so there's always that 🙄

So....what does any of this have to do with quantum computing?

Quantum computing has had decades of hype without any current real world application. It's typical of the overall trajectory of the past 50 years.