Thanks for the support, I quite appreciate it 😀

The separation is an interesting concept. I always thought of them as inseparable intertwined things, but it's true that I kind of separate that when trying to satisfy my needs sort of out-of-band with writing/pornhub/xtoys etc.

As for the draining part, I am painfully aware of that. Often her thinking of being "not good enough wife" worsens her mood, but rarely is it the main trigger. But the situation is not due to FLR/bdsm dynamic but more generally about intimacy. Which is something we are trying to address, but it's a long process and we're able to take few attempts here and there to do anything systematic. It feels more reactive "resolving" than proactive, but that's another story.

Submitting to Her (FLR) vision would be nice, but I seem to have an essential problem similar to the falling tree. If there is no one that would hear the fall, would it still make a sound? - if she has a vision that she aims for, but without regard to the founding stones rooted in her taking the reins, is it still FLR?

Like one of the things she really appreciates is having home tidy and clean. Especially the kitchen which is part of the open greater living area together with dining and living room. I try to keep it up, but often there is simply not enough energy/motivation, and I know that if it were mandated by her, I would have both motivation and energy to do that, since it would tap into almost limitless sub power. So while I know that it makes her happy, it costs me energy that could be spent in another way, leaving less energy for other things. That frustrates me, because I want to fulfill her "vision", but while ends can be sometimes compatible, means are not 😟

Having a conversation about this is always possible, but I think she knows how I sometimes feel and that makes her even more sad, so I usually try to steer clear of putting it in hard cold facts and just to savor little moments I can get here and there. I think I can still count myself lucky, with how open our communication is. It's just me being afraid of hurting her that keeps me just dropping occasional reminders rather than repeating everything again and again.

Wow, almost a long note 😅 Thanks again for listening to this therapeutic rant of mine.