What do you call someone who has had their liver removed?

Delivered

Bae goals <3 :

Why does Pepsi always achieve its goals?

It’s soda termined

I made it a goal to become a legal citizen of Finland

And I am not going to quit until I’m Finish

The goal of every burglar is a stainless steal.

What do you call a woman standing between 2 goal posts?

Annette.

What do you call a man with a head full of change?

Headquarters

Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

SVBroke

I have a step ladder at home..

I never knew my real ladder.

On her first date.

Her dad: I want her home before midnight.

Me: But you already own her home.

Dad: -turning to daughter- If you don't sleep with him, I will.

Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer..

Ruff.

Last joke left me wonton for more.

Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars.

Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order: Riceless

I decided to check my balance at the bank today.

Turns out I have an inner ear infection.

What's the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle.

What do you prefer and why?

Me first day on Damus: