Today is my 32nd birthday 🙏🏼

Thank you all for following and interacting with my posts. I look forward to opening Damus everyday as a break from other toxic social media platforms.

A ♉️ pun: My wife just broke up with me. She's sick and tired of my constant Zodiac puns. It Taurus apart. I'm in Pisces typing this.

6:30 is the best time, hands down.

I heard a great time travel joke tomorrow.

It was not an edible 😞

Afraid to post this on Twitter

Small arms dealer

Pelvis

I found stir fry all over my bed this morning

I must have been sleep wokking again.

Bank Bankruptcy Bingo Card

Can't believe that someone rubbed one off in the elevator

My psych professor asked if we'd heard of Pavlov. I said "it rings a bell."

How old were you when you learned that if you hold down 0 on your keyboard you get the degree ° sign?

Who is this?

*wrong answers only*

So glad I googled it

Just learned the word for constipation in German.

Farfrompoopen.

A colorblind friend insists that all apples are yellow.

I told him that was bananas.

Justice is a dish best served cold.

If it were served warm, it would be justwater.