When I was younger I could walk in a store with $10 and walk out with a package of oreos, a case of mountain dew, a bag of doritos, and 2 red bulls.

Can’t do that anymore, too many cameras

Keyboard Warriors

When you finish eating at an Australian Restaurant

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of his favorite Star Wars character.

You should've seen the Luke on his face.

What do you call a man that has been married and divorced multiple times?

Lord of the Rings.

Everyone talks about how social media is bad for your mental health but what about Excel?

What should I name him?

Stephen King has a son named Joe.

I'm not joking, but he is.

Me: There's only one thing that scares me about Halloween.

Daughter: Which is?

Me: Exactly.

Loving my new iPhone 15

If I crash a car on purpose, is it still an accident?