I never thought I'd own 100 #Bitcoin at the age of 33.

But here I am.

33. Not owning 100 Bitcoin - turns out I was right.

I went to a psychic.

I knocked on her front door.

She yelled: "Who is it?"

So l left.

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”

And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

I accidentally took my cats meds last night..

Don't ask meow.

Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine.

It was about a weak back.

SEC Twitter account security

Remember to poop before midnight tonight.

You don’t want to be carrying the same shit into the new year.

I was going to write a pun on phobias, but I was afraid you guys wouldn’t like it.

Did you hear about that

great new shovel?

It's ground breaking.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.