"What are your dogs' names?"

Me: "Calvin and Klein."

"Isn't that a brand of underwear?"

Me: "Exactly, they're boxers."

What happens if someone slaps you at high frequency?

It Hertz

I've decided from January 1st I'll only be watching videos in 2160p or higher.

It's my New Year's Resolution.

I remember 2024 like it was yesterday..

I'm not a PETA guy or anything. But I do think it's pretty messed up that they make sweaters out of turtle necks.

What does a politician do after he dies?

He lies still.

What is wrong with political jokes?

They sometimes get elected.

There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall.

Terrible king, but a great ruler.

People are making apocalypse jokes..

like there's no tomorrow.

A pun enters a room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars.

May divorce be with you.

Santa never has to pay for parking.

It’s on the house.

Why don’t governments embrace Bitcoin?

They hate the idea of a ‘Proof Of Work’.

Mortal Kombat was actually based on a Scandinavian church song.

It was a Finnish hymn.

My uncle works for a company that makes bicycle wheels.

He’s the Spokesman.

Tap on the screen

Waiter: I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?

Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid .. then I was petrified.

I’ve just joined a dating site for arsonists.

I’ve seen a lot of matches.