What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

The gas Argon walks into a bar.

The barkeeper says "What would you like to drink?"

But Argon doesn't react.

What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't use medicine on an empty stomach.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 1.4 root beers.

The bartender says "I'll have to charge you extra, that's a root beer float".

The guy says "In that case, better make it a double."

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

// This line doesn't actually do anything, but the code stops working when I delete it.

Why does the size of the snack not matter to a giraffe?

Because even a little bit goes a long way.

What is a dying programmer's last program?

Goodbye, world!

How do you generate a random string?

Put a Windows user in front of Vim and tell them to exit.

A byte walks into a bar looking miserable.

The bartender asks it: "What's wrong buddy?"

"Parity error." it replies.

"Ah that makes sense, I thought you looked a bit off."

How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

Why is Linux safe?

Hackers peak through Windows only.

What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?

They gave him the cold shoulder.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

Because he had no body to go with!

A SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.

It approaches, and asks "may I join you?"

What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't use medicine on an empty stomach.

I used to love to tell dad jokes.

Dad, come back...

UDP is better in the COVID era since it avoids unnecessary handshakes.