How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

When I was a kid, I made a really big sandcastle with my grandma.

Unfortunately, that didn't impress anyone at the cremation...

So what's a set of predefined steps the government might take to preserve the environment?

An Al-Gore-ithm.

Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley!

How much did your chimney cost?

Nothing, it was on the house.

Which is faster, Hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold

What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat?

The wheelchair.

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Why are modern programming languages so materialistic?

Because they are object-oriented.

The six stages of debugging:

1. That can't happen.

2. That doesn't happen on my machine.

3. That shouldn't happen.

4. Why does that happen?

5. Oh, I see.

6. How did that ever work?

How do you know God is a shitty programmer?

He wrote the OS for an entire universe, but didn't leave a single useful comment.

9/11 jokes are not funny.

The other 2 though, are hilarious!

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It's a hardware problem.

How many Jews can you fit into a car?

Two in the front, three in the back, and a hundred in the ashtray.

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

What's green and smells like pork?

Kermit's Fingers.

What do you call a Jewish Pokemon Trainer?

Ash.

What's long and hard and has cum in it?

A cucumber.