the little kids, the half missing ear
always trying my best to be here now
perfectly imperfectly like everyone else
really fucked up from the burned family
i know im safe
i know its trauma talking
thing is, knowing that doesnt take it out of my body
in manhattan? too empty
too many people with headphones on
like no one would even notice or get to me in time
queens felt cool
brooklyn felt cool
but there you can escape
there is family there
still aliveness there
the sense that,
if nypd tried to randomly grab me
a stranger in brooklyn would literally grab me right back
queens felt cool
brooklyn felt cool
but there you can escape
there is family there
still aliveness there
would be great to be in manhattan & feel safe & feel free
it once felt that way
it doesnt anymore
it feels really militarized & corporate with tiny pockets of okness & coolness like pubkey
& the people that love me for real
love me for me
care that it kills me
i dont care if literally no one else gives a shit
i do
it was so bad having personal tattoos photographed
ones that i never show
it was so bad that they scanned my eyes
manhattan is terrifying to me since i was arrested there
it simply is that way still
if it ever heals, id be relieved
i cant make myself heal
my body remembers
wouldnt trade it for anything
still, there i was with amplifiers in my trunk lugging gear around for my brother & his friends
nyc was my twenties
cmj => steve said it was like nyc's fyrefest & i laughed cos too true
that festival made no sense on paper
he said if pubkey is like the local
he'd check it out
i said: better than
but too far for me to drive
im so glad i got to tell mike about it cos he said he was gonna hit up some shows in bushwick after the film festival in nyack ends
all of that effort from everyone in glasgow & beyond man