I’m afraid of replying to you, every time I do I get a shitload of zaps 😂

Happy if honest 🤷‍♂️

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Auspicious if authenticated

Killer if keen

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I took my family up on a family vacay and ngl there was a condition in play involving surrendering my phone. They know me too really well.

Really the worst?… I’m super interested in hearing how you imagined my end tho? I was just hanging with cuzzies and bulking up on family food.

I missed your cheeky gifs 🤣

This was fun

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Is #[0]​ ?

She's nice and chunky! 🐻🤗

I'm sure you'll find your chunky monkey soon!

I am married to a goddess.

Winning has never looked so good.

Love is...

🤡💖🤡

...becoming mentally ill at the same time.

pre-gn'ing™ here

#OnlyMoths

getting ready for a social function

in a weird turn of events my wife actually approved of the outfit I’m wearing, but instructed “just get the wrinkles out of the shirt with the steamer”

I mean…I know I’m an adult, a dad, and a doctor and shit…but I’m having a really, really hard time fighting the urge to steam this shirt while wearing it as it seems like unnecessary steps to take off and put back on…

please advise

No?

You’re a romantic, you don’t believe until too late.

🤷‍♂️

So tell me, what would be an acceptable apology that the reflection in the mirror wouldn’t despise you for?