the lemon rinds that were left
cos i needed the lemons for the soup
im
about
to
imminently
like so soon
have a
bath with
sooo many lemons
& im looking forward to it
cos it'll smell nice
that's my sense anyway
of their vibe
then i think they conclude you arent insane & are merely part of the scenery in a peaceful reasonable way
it was cool
i never need to touch them
i dont think they like that at all
unless you have a schedule
& they get to observe you having that schedule for about 3 years with no funny business
i dont see horses so often
so i dont know them like dogs
spoke to both horses
& one was really like
there was an immense recognition there
shook his hair & everything
im glad i didnt fall down
spoke to them in mohawk
just watching em from a distance
comfortable for both of us
long island! that park!
i dont even think i shared that online
this makes me smile
i so love horses
they are so big in their solitude nostr:note17ehy08vz0ycy9s7fydga7gy389uxa9xht2t4pdk43rhjemtvmyrs0n6kwn
like everyone just get therapy so much
not even a person who cares
therapy from a horse
dont even have to talk in a learned language
cos that is like
staggeringly uncool
to me
just that where i cant lose it on my kids
i can discipline people paying for me to transfer motherhood annoyances into their bodies injuring them (albeit superficially) ??
like im imagining being a mother of two young kids & a dominatrix at night for cash
where is the restorative part of my day?
is that transmitting?
like understanding little ones there is the developmental stage of primary narcissism, infant narcissism
thats natural af cos everything is them when they first start perceiving
but for an adult to seek negative attention for thrill
or for an adult to desire to dom or whatever is that just.. early childhood patterns stuck in a loop?
or is there actually a mature adult thrill somewhere that i simply have a poverty of the imagination about?
cos "pOweR" is meaningless to me
have zero appetite
manufacturing compliance is the work of a tyrant
there is nothing in it
no victory just game of winners & losers
validation cant be derived from what isnt being sought like..
if you had endless positive attention
abundance of it
oodles & bundles
what is the flavor of negative attention even giving someone
do they still seek it outside of a little kid just learning the difference between themselves & another?
like where is the incentive
what am i missing in the math
where im supposed to desire this
why is this my
fucking job
when i despise
this