but those are absolutely missing gaps in this
also convos between hazy & joey
id bet a dime there was at least one fight
cos hazy lost his mom to cancer too
i cant even begin to remotely ballpark that
& i will die before i ever ask
that is so private & not my business
what is massively missing is every conversation lacey has had with joey
lowkey glad i didnt
cos feel dreadful even contemplating it from all the ways away in 2024
i dont carry that memory heavily
it just simply returned to me today
like
oh yea
so that math just made sense that way
it wasnt like it was gonna kill me actually
people survive that all the time
has a single person ever even died
from that? having one implanted
not a weird complication or allergy later i mean
but he was so busy with his important career & even more than i didnt want one i didnt want him to lose another kid cos of me
but i really fucking didnt want an iud
at all at all at all not at all not absolutely not i did not want that
like it is your body you had better only be making medical decisions for you
& i felt so lonely
like i know what she said was like
"right" or whatever
& she quickly corrected me that i'd be getting an iud for ~me~
not him
so i was talking to lacey
cos i was dreading getting a iud
but kinda brave faced rally said i would for him cos whatever thats that facts of the matter gotta do it so dont make a big deal of it
i was very very very set on him never going thru that again
relative to me
anyway,
what would have been his eldest
was lost
im in the bath 😌🍋🛁🫧
& while i do some of my best work here
in my
opinion
i was pretty set on not working
but then i did remember
an arrival earlier
not with maths
but him related
a convo i had with lacey
remembered cos briefly wondered what i wouldve been with a mom vs just scorpio moon issues
cant ever know
im in the bath 😌🍋🛁🫧
& while i do some of my best work here
in my
opinion
i was pretty set on not working
soooo much spinach
& some grated turmeric
& even a little ras el hanout made it in there