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# The Truth About Intimacy That Nobody Tells Men

Brother, I need to tell you something I learned the hard way, and it might save you years of pain.

The intimacy you think is possible? It's nowhere near what's actually available to you.

Most men are walking around thinking they understand connection. They don't. They're operating at 10% capacity and calling it a relationship.

The kind of intimacy I'm talking about changes how you walk through the world. It heals old wounds. It moves trauma out of your body. It gives you real confidence—the kind that shows up as calm, grounded presence. The kind people feel when you enter a room.

There's one requirement for that level of intimacy:

Safety.

Not romance. Not communication skills. Not date nights.

Safety.

# Here's the uncomfortable part most men miss:

Most women have never felt emotionally safe. Not consistently. Not deeply.

Women live with a baseline sense of unsafety that most men never experience.

When was the last time you felt physically threatened by a woman? For most of us, the answer is never.

For women? It's Tuesday.

Elevators. Parking garages. Long hallways. First dates. Every new man is a question mark.

So when she enters a relationship, her nervous system is already on alert. And every time you react to her emotions, her body logs you as unsafe.

She might not say anything. But her nervous system does.

Over time, your presence becomes something she braces against.

That's not intimacy. That's tolerance.

# The real test is simple:

When your partner is emotional, does she feel safer as the conversation goes on, or more guarded?

You don't need to answer me. Just be honest with yourself.

Most men see emotions as a threat. As an attack. As something to defend against or fix.

Wrong.

Her emotions are communication. And every time you react to them instead of regulate, you're telling her body: "I'm not safe."

# Here's what changed everything for me:

When she's emotional, I breathe. I slow down. I regulate myself.

I stop defending.

I stop correcting.

I stop reacting.

I get curious.

"What's going on?"

"Tell me more."

"What else is there?"

The more emotional she gets, the better. That means energy is moving. Something is being released.

When she's done, I don't fix anything. I thank her.

I thank her for trusting me.

For her vulnerability.

For letting me see her.

That's containment.

And when a woman feels held like that, something changes.

She relaxes. She softens. She opens.

When she can surrender emotionally, she can surrender to you. She can feel more with you. She can trust you. She can desire you.

# And if she doesn't want to have sex with you?

It's not a preference. It's a symptom.

Her nervous system doesn't feel safe.

And no amount of initiating, negotiating, or being nice will override that.

Sex doesn't disappear because she doesn't desire you. Sex disappears because her body can't relax with you.

Everything changed when I stopped trying to fix her emotions and started regulating myself. When I learned to stay grounded while she was emotional. When I held my center instead of leaking it.

That's masculine containment.

Containment creates safety.

Safety allows softening.

Softening allows desire.

#The red-pill crowd has it backwards:

nostr:nprofile1qqsr26r4lltjnvrwadxp67ns58m4qpzaqemhf5sup7hlujhjh7t296qpr9mhxue69uhhqun9d45h2mfwwpexjmtpdshxuet59uq3qamnwvaz7tmwduh8xarj9e3hytcppemhxue69uhkummn9ekx7mp03tnx6p basically tells you dating is war. That women are gatekeepers. That you need to "level up" and compete.

Scientifically, this destroys connection. It heightens fear. It blocks the social openness required for healthy relationships.

What women actually want isn't complicated:

- Kindness

- Humor

- Stability

- Communication

- Safety

- A man who shows up

None of this requires wealth or status. It requires you to get in your body, regulate your nervous system, and build the capacity to hold space under emotional pressure.

Women of nostr, am I right or wrong here?

Men of nostr, you might wanna listen up...

#masculinity #relationships #intimacy #emotionalintelligence #bitcoin #nostr #grownostr

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Kevin van Besouw 2w ago

Lot os value here

59

Kevin van Besouw 1mo ago

Nothing to see here