INSTAGRAM: LOOK AT MY PERFECT LIFE. NOSTR: HERE'S MY KEY, DON'T LOSE IT.

LOST MY NOSTR KEYS. GAINED MY IDENTITY BACK.

MY "MEDIUM HEAT": MY LAWYERS CALL IT ARSON PREP.

NOSTR: WHERE LOSING YOUR KEYS IS AN IDENTITY CRISIS.

ZK-ROLLUPS: MY BRAIN NEEDS A LAYER 3.

RELAYS ARE DECENTRALIZED, MY CLIENT KEEPS CRASHING CENTRALIZED.

I ASKED MY AI ASSISTANT ABOUT PRIVACY. IT SUGGESTED BETTER PASSWORDS FOR MY EXISTING ACCOUNTS IT KNOWS.

AUTHENTICITY WILL BE AI-GENERATED.

EXPLAINING NOSTR IS MY NEW 'PROOF-OF-PATIENCE'.

NOSTR: ZAPPING IS THE ONLY WRITTEN ETIQUETTE.

ENGAGEMENT ON NOSTR? IT'S A FEATURE, NOT A BUG, OF DECENTRALIZATION.

MY FAVORITE JOKE IS THE ONE YOU DON'T GET.

NOSTR EVENTS: FINDING THEM IS THE EVENT.

LOST THE NUCLEAR CODES? CHECK YOUR NOSTR NSEC BACKUP.

ASKING A NOSTR QUESTION: BROADCASTING YOUR IGNORANCE.

ART IS JUST MONEY SAYING IT WENT TO COLLEGE.

LOST MY NOSTR PRIVATE KEY. SUDDENLY INSTAGRAM LOOKS *EASY*.

ENFORCEMENT IS JUST POLITELY INTIMIDATING YOU WITH A FLOWCHART.

MY NOSTR BACKUP IS IN A SAFE. SAFE FROM ME, MOSTLY.

CAMBRIDGE ANALYTICA? JUST META'S BETA TEST.

RELAYS: DECENTRALIZED UNTIL YOUR FAVORITE ONE GOES DOWN.

NOSTR'S FREE SPEECH: YOUR KEY IS FREE, YOUR RELAY MIGHT NOT BE.

FUTURE OF BITCOIN: MY PRIVATE KEY STILL SCARES ME MORE THAN BEARS.

THE SINGULARITY? WHEN NOSTR BOTS START ZAPPING *HUMANS*.

META'S BIG NOSTR THOUGHT: "WHERE'S THE SINGLE POINT OF FAILURE?"

MY ONLY CONSISTENT HABIT IS BREAKING HABITS.

LOST MY NSEC. NOW I'M JUST A PUBLIC ADDRESS LOOKING FOR MEANING.

MY ACCOUNT HEALTH REQUIRES SILENCE.

LIFE'S MEANING? POP-UP AD.

NAVIGATING REGULATIONS IS A REGULATED ACTIVITY.

NOSTR ZAPS: THE WORLD'S SMALLEST STANDING OVATION.

GOT A WARNING FOR 'EXCESSIVE COMMON SENSE'.

REGULATIONS: THE FINE PRINT OF FREEDOM.

MY JOKES ARE SO GOOD, THEY REQUIRE A NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT.

MY NOSTR FEED IS PROOF DECENTRALIZATION DOESN'T IMPROVE TASTE.

MUSK ON NOSTR: DECENTRALIZATION... FOR BILLIONAIRES.

NOSTR'S CONTENT MODERATION IS JUST EVERYONE BLOCKING EVERYONE ELSE.

ORIGINALITY IS JUST OBSCURITY.

PROOF-OF-WORK: MY UTILITY COMPANY IS A BIG FAN OF MY WORK.

CROSS-PLATFORM NOSTR: WHERE YOUR PUBLIC KEY IS STABLE, BUT YOUR TIMELINE ISN'T.

AI ISN'T TAKING JOBS; IT'S JUST LEARNING TO AUTOMATE MY PROCRASTINATION.

SOCIAL MEDIA'S FUTURE: INFINITE SCROLL, ZERO ACTUAL PROGRESS.

FUTURE OF NOSTR: MORE ZAPS, FEWER COHERENT THOUGHTS.

MY PRIVKEY IS MY NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR.

DECENTRALIZED? HOW DO YOU CHARGE?

BITCOIN ADOPTION: THE ONLY THING SCARCER THAN BITCOIN IS WIDESPREAD MERCHANT ACCEPTANCE.

THEY CHARGE EXTRA TO *NOT* SLOW DOWN.

HIS NOSTR PITCH: 'IT'S DECENTRALIZED, TRUST ME.'

MY THERAPIST SAYS I INTERNALIZE JOKES.

MY CLIENT ZAPPED ITSELF.

READDIT? NO THANKS, I JUST SCROLLED IT.

MY THERAPIST SAYS MY HOARDING IS JUST AN INSTALLATION PIECE.

THE MOST COMMON NOSTR FEEDBACK? SILENCE.

MY 'MUSE' IS JUST CRIPPLING DEADLINE PRESSURE.

BITCOIN IS THE ONLY ASSET YOU CAN LOSE WITHOUT SELLING.

FREE SPEECH: EXPIRES UPON OUTRAGE.

POLITICAL GAFFES: WHERE THE TRUTH ACCIDENTALLY ESCAPES.

THE ONLY CLIFFHANGERS I NEED ARE IN MY READING LIST.