What do you call a detective alligator?
...
An investi-gator.
What do you call a fake diamond?
...
A sham-rock.
Why did the broom get promoted?
...
Because it swept the competition.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
...
It’s fine, he woke up.
What's the most depressing day of the week?
...
sadder day.
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
...
Because then they’d be bagels.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
...
1forrest1
Just read a few facts about frogs.
...
They were ribbiting.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
...
Because it ran out of juice.
When is a door not a door?
...
When it's ajar.
This furniture store keeps emailing me,
...
all I wanted was one night stand!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
...
Because then it would be a foot.
Why was it called the dark ages?
...
Because of all the knights.
Rest in peace, boiled water.
...
You will be mist.
Why did the coach go to the bank?
...
To get his quarterback.
The wedding was so beautiful
...
even the cake was in tiers.
I wondered why the frisbee kept on getting bigger.
...
Then it hit me.
What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?
...
The used-car salesman KNOWS when he's lying.
Why was the color green notoriously single?
...
It was always so jaded.
What do you call a toothless bear?
...
A gummy bear!