Today is those days suffering strong existential risk 🙃(period must be ) (chemical level change)

Need to remind myself again and again and again: the final goal of my life is happinessmaxxing, is to understand myself in the deepest level, to make those unconscious conscious. The other wants/ desire in daily life are all means to that goal. Don’t overturn them.

It’s extremely helpful to control your attention/ awareness in yourself when you are crowded by people, in the subw/ canteen/ tourist attractions etc. I tried several times and find myself could stay calm and still chill when I’m in this awareness-on-myself state. Or I could feel so stressful and anxious among people.

We used to take time/ everyday as containers and *use* ourself/ our mind/ our experience to fill it. But what if we reverse it, we are the containers, and the time/ day happens within us.

Grab it in ALD and it’s surprisingly delicious 😲🫶

Back home with wholehearted happiness 🥹🫶

They said Shanghai had been raining the whole week, I successfully avoided that and enjoyed the sunshine in Beijing.

For the whole week, I started everyday dressing up and curious about everything everyone I met. I felt that if I could take that mindset of tourist back into my daily life, I could live more abundant. Don’t take everything for granted and try to appreciate the surroundings. Ohnononono that’s the meaning of traveling(?) haha

Beijing Day4️⃣:

The Great Wall (Badaling): those breathtaking views! Can’t appreciate enough🫡

Olympic Park: Bird’s Nest and Water Cube are really impressive at night

#travelLog #OOTD

Beijing Day3️⃣:

Summer Palace: got an audio guide and it’s worth it! Really learn a lot when exploring the area!

#travelLog #OOTD

Beijing Day2️⃣:

Forbidden City: this is my favorite destination of this trip! Would like to revisit in winter when it’s covered by snow🥹

Jingshan Park: climb to the top of the hill for the view of forbidden city

Tiananmen Square: accidentally caught the flag-lowering ceremony, it was at sunset and I felt calm and respect that moment.

#travelLog #OOTD

Beijing is really nice in this season🫶

Really appreciate those traditional buildings

Day1️⃣:

#travelLog #OOTD

Travelling these days so don’t have much time scrolling my phone.

Feel so darling when open the app to see all the internet friends posting haha

haha kind of cute nostr:note19l725f0znq7wqkgnuxew0jk7fru3n73zhnkwxt4smg7xdz9k89gqhwm8ar

#whatNikkiread

I always say, I don’t know what I’m looking for, but maybe I will find it out one day. So, in the process of finding *what I really want* I think I should go abroad, earn more money or say become financially independent and etc etc.

Recently I’ve been read The science of enlightenment by shinzen, although haven’t finished yet, I suddenly realize that what I want is to be happy. When I say being happy, I mean to maintain calm no matter what I encounter, and don’t feel suffering no matter what life gives me.

Why I always avoid directly face this problem? Why I always think maybe if I change the environment maybe I get pay more I would gradually solve all these problems?

But no, you can pursue it directly by what shinzen called applying concentration, clarity and equanimity to no matter what happens to you.

Also, after meeting the family, walked long along yuyuan road. See the night version of Jing’an temple. Guess I can now really enjoy the *me time.

Cute little girl🥹🥹

a kid Duolingo in the subway☺️☺️

Today:

Booked the tickets for vacation next week ✅look forward to it!

Received love from my sis🫶she made me biscotti 🥹my favorite

I always avoid conflict, any kind of conflict, and I thought that’s because the best way to solve a problem can be more gentle. And also, I feel a conflict exists because there’s someone unwilling to listen to other’s opinion. But maybe that’s because part of me is afraid of hearing a no.

Also, those things that feel exciting + a little bit scared could really be the things I want.

Give myself a little bit pressure works best. Too much could crush myself down and no fun at all. But none could leave myself in a dead position.

I guess I always in a pattern of I want to do something and I’ll get started once I’m ready. But I never feel I’m ready for something so most of the time, that thing I think I want just faded.

Try to just do it. And you may find yourself not ready in the process, but that unready step can complete along the way.

( know myself a little bit more everyday😅