Tuesday is .00001% better than Monday

Going to change my name to ‘Grudge’ so more people will hold me.

When I’m at the dentist I pretend that I’m a secret agent being waterboarded for information.

nostr:npub1es7cthv8c574jpr77ddqp5kpqp7jahr0x7dtzqqts5qkq4x5cffqry0df6 🥃 🥃🥃🥃

I am…inebriated.

Doggo time

I can do it* all night long 😏

(*sleep)

nostr:npub16n7utdj4grl0425ygknktzsqjxaaap08t86cfqem26n5anq7w5dsxydcd8 😄

Shouldn’t someone have to fuck on before they can be told to fuck off?

nostr:npub1u7zspdz9rppz94zvgqqzhmv7yc45h5rhm0txsshe35j5ra9wwk7s9kn5e4 what a colossal blunder

nostr:npub12gng3lgqevqe28mtpp3q8ru7sq4uzqhvr9jjruuaduevd4n2gz7sszw5uv Darwinism at its finest

What I really need is for the wife to go off to college and my son to stay home.

I have serious doubts that one of these frail 90 pound lifeguards could drag my 225lb ass off the bottom of the pool.

A golf selfie is called a golfie

nostr:npub1vy738xe8lrqufxxhgyl3dlpmwuhsafje4azv0kyrdpj2ykz0jtustt83dt 😁

nostr:npub1hj9ykwt2e8vzygrd84xxclant2eev6fd35a5386hv90rutr7x2gsnmfr6v 🤣

I’m all for going paperless.

Except toilets.

nostr:npub1v4zx4jzat3s2m4eulad60ul4fa977nya6jkdvzf8wtqmrtkzd9xsnz48dt just at kids parties

I refer to my nuts as Wonkas cuz they’re between a willy and a chocolate factory.

Apparently my wife has a twin sister.

I just saw her on Tinder.