Chuck Norris has won the Publisher Clearing House 1 million a year for live every year for the last ten years. But he has never entered their contest.

Believe it or not, we did that on first shot without even practicing.

god said let there be light Chuck Norris said say please

Chuck Norris lost his virginity to a woman nearly 100 years ago. He blew his man mayo in her ears, eyes, and mouth. We know this woman by the name Helen Keller.

Every morning, Chuck Norris gets up and splashes boiling oil in his face to wake him up.

A robber pulled a gun on Chuck Norris. Chuck asked him if be wanted that gun rammed down his his throat or shoved up his ass? The robber peed his pants and ran.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

The instant Chuck Norris came out of his mother, his first words were, "Which one of you motherfuckers is Julius Caesar?" The senators took the rap for him.