Chuck Norris can brew coffee out of tea leaves

Chuck Norris can give both men and women boners

Chuck Norris believes some people can only be taught a lesson via gunshot.

The most obvious upside to receiving a brutal Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is is that you will enter the afterlife knowing that you have died the most awesome death possible.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing a chain and a front tire

Aliens have been abducted by Chuck Norris.

Just a little over 50 years ago, Chuck Norris once helped President Kennedy mount a horse when they went horseback riding in Texas. He didn't later help Jack off the horse.

Water boils faster when Chuck Norris is watching it.

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

Chuck Norris was evil kanevil's stunt double.

It's not that Chuck Norris is Bullet Proof, it's that Bullets aren't Chuck Norris Proof

Chuck Norris once killed a T-rex With A lion

Chuck Norris can rob a drunk guy's gun store.

Chuck Norris doesn't have aids. But he gives it to people anyways.

Little Chuck Norris would bring a carving knife to play 'duck duck goose'.

At this moment there is a fifty-fifty chance Chuck Norris is fucking your sister

The funniest joke ever was told by Chuck Norris about some tumbleweed that rolled by in silence.

Chuck Norris is not invited to Pro-Am golf tournaments because he would make the other golfers look bad. Amateurs, too.

Chuck Norris's beard can cure breast cancer.

Chuck Norris owns several very successful funeral homes. The reason why is debatable.