Chuck Norris once ate a whole watermelon in one bite. The next day he crapped out 4 hammers, 3 turtles, 2 large pizzas, and 1 eggshell. That was 22 years ago.

Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.

Chuck Norris hates Raymond.

Chuck Norris got the new Galaxy Foamposites for free.

Only Chuck Norris can prevent a forest fire.

Chuck Norris eats leaves and shits out crisp 100 dollar bills in neat bundles. He refers to the process as eco-friendly minting process.

Mike Tyson knocked out Larry Holmes. Big deal. Chuck Norris knocked out a Buick.

Typing 'walker' into a search engine will yield more results for 'Paul Walker' than for 'Walker Texas Ranger'. Which is why Chuck Norris murdered him.

Chuck Norris killed the Earl of Sandwich and ate the fillets between two loaves of bread.

the dinosaurs only became extinct after Chuck Norris had a BBQ, for one

Chuck Norris once rhymed "pain" with "balls." No one called him on it.

Chuck Norris won a boxing match in a straight jacket.

When Chuck Norris looks into the mirror the mirror shatters because the mirror isn't even stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

All is fair in love and war................ Except when Chuck Norris breaks out the grenades

Chuck Norris owns Area 51. He also owns Areas 1 thru 50.

Chuck Norris can write the entire Declaration of Independence on his penis...with a paint roller.

Chuck Norris can literally hand you your ass in a handbag. And then pull it out and kick it up between your ears.

Chuck Norris is in everyone of the devil's nightmares

Hookers have nicknamed Chuck Norris "hemorrhoid" because of the residual pain in thier assholes.

Chuck Norris doesn't urinate, Chuck Norris urines 10.