To err is human. To forgive is divine. To kill is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only guy in a nudist colony who can carry two cups of coffee and nine donuts.
UFC actually stands for "Ultimate Fatality by Chuck". To prove this, Chuck Norris challenged the UFC champion. When Chuck entered the cage, the UFC champ pummeled himself to death.
Chuck Norris has licked his elbow twice
Chuck Norris once grabbed Vin Diesel and inserted his index finger into Vin Diesel's anus. Vin Diesel got very pissed over the matter. Chuck Norris then started kicking him continously non-stop for a day for not having any sense of humor.
If a black cat crosses your path, you have bad luck. If Chuck Norris crosses your path, it was nice knowing you.
Chuck Norris does not have a shadow. Who wants to get caught sneaking up behind Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can ejaculate web fluid from his wrists.
Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.
The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
The last time Chuck Norris had a crab salad was when he ate your wife's box lunch.
Chuck Norris crab fishes the Bearing Sea using only a snorkel and a laundry basket.
Chuck Norris wasn't born, he was created by fusing together an uzi machine gun, beard hair, cowboy boots, pure rage, and chucktanium heated to 300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000degrees celsius and cooled in a dry ice chamber located at the bottom of the ocean where they THOUGHT he couldn't escape!
Chuck Norris once lovingly rubbed his beard across the face of a dying little girl in an attempt to reviver her. He succeeded in reviving her but his beard erased her entire face.
Freddy has nightmares about Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris owns an Xbox 360 It never had the three rings of death because it's afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can satisfy any woman just by being in the same room with her.
The Expendables 3 will not feature Chuck Norris. Therefore, it will suck.
Chuck Norris can hold his breath while he sneezes.
Chuck Norris is the only officer in the military with the ranking of 'Darth'.