Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Slenderman runs from Chuck Norris. Its also the reason why Slenderman has no eyes.....Chuck Norris roundhoused kicked his face.

Chuck Norris can watch 3-D movies wearing only a monocle.

Cannibals worship King Kong. King Kong worships Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' submarine is full of semen.

Chuck Norris won the world jump roping championships, and as a literal handicap, he did it in a wheelchair. Next year he plans to try it on crutches!

Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman orally.

The eleventh Commandment: 'Disregard all of the above when Chuck Norris tells you to do his bidding.'

Ripley ALWAYS believed Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris uses a set of bagpipes as a vaginal douche.

Chuck Norris invented Breeding so that he could Roundhouse Kick Newborns.... Twice

Chuck Norris wil always kick your arse. Even in soviet russia.

Despite popular belief God didn't rest on the seventh day...He created Chuck Norris!

Nostradamus didn't predict his spectacular beheading by Chuck Norris

The 'Chuck Norris Defense' always holds up in court. Always.

Chuck Norris likes to walk around his Beverly Hills mansion wearing nothing but a pimp hat and fat gold chains.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

When Chuck Norris is wrong,he is right,even when he turns left.

President Bush DID have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq, However Chuck Norris was busy that day.

As a youngster, when kissing his grandmother good night, Chuck Norris would always slip her the tongue.