I'm going to stand outside... So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
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Why did the dog sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.
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What do you call an animal that goes through your trash and tells great stories? A raccoonteur.
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Balloon's What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop.
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Do you know why one side of the the V formation of geese in flight is longer than the other side? Because It has more geese in it!
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How do you kill a circus? You stab it in the juggler.
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Why did the redditor go to /r/zelda? To boost his link karma!
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What is green, sings and can be found in the fridge? Elvis Parsley
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I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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Don't you hate jokes about German sausage? They're the wurst!
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Math problem: I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now? Diabetes.
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So how's the shoestring game goin'? Right now, it's ALL TIED-UP!
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Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop!
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Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spied her.
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What do you call two crows? Attempted murder.
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What was Carl Sagan's favorite drink? Cosmos.
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What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
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I'm naming my TV remote Waldo... ...for obvious reasons.
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What did the American call Karl Marx when a shrine was dedicated to him in Japan? A Kami.
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