What do you call an Italian guy with a rubber toe? Roberto
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Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.
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What do you call a group of 8 rabbits? A Rabbyte!
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A Siri joke!: Two iPhones walk into a bar carrying a set of iPod shuffles. The bartender says: Let those iPods sing, man! He was an iSurfer on iPad mini.
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I just met someone who was a steam-roller operator. He was such a flatterer.
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What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say upon being asked to star in a Broadway production about the world's greatest composers? I'll be Bach.
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If I don't eat all of my food, it goes to waste. If I do eat all of my food, it goes to *waist*.
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How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it.
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I do my best when my manager puts a gun to my head.
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A termite walks into a pub And asks "where's the bar tender?"
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There once was a girl from Nantucket... Who carried her ice in a bucket. She walked down a hill. She had a great spill. And when she got up, she said, "I'm going to watch my step next time!"
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What did the apple say to the pear? [Man, go] away!
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Note for Santa: Dear Santa, Please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix those two up like you did last year. Thanks.
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What is black, white, and red all over? A Communist Propaganda film from the 1930s.
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What do you call a spider with no legs? A raisin
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Why did the strawberry go out with the pineapple? Because he couldn't get a date!
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What kind of soda do dogs drink? Barq's Root Beer.
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Words can't possibly describe how beautiful you are... But numbers can 4/10
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How many ears does Captain Picard have? A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.
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What do you call a nose without a body? Nobody knows...
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