A man walks into an apple store and...... farts every one is really angry and there all shouting so he says it's not my fault you don't have windows

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I named my cat "Curiosity". He killed himself ... Nine times.

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Why there should be a February 30th? So dentists can have a day to celebrate

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What do you call a smart pig? Swinestein.

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Where do Cows go for parties? The Moovies

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What do call a horse that lives near you? A naybor

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Why was the burrito embarrassed? It saw the salad dressing.

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Why does Thor have insomnia? He's up all night to get Loki.

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Why did the girl tree fall in love with the boy tree? He was sappy

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What do you get when you mix two chains and a cow? Truuuuuuuuuuu-moooooooooooooooooo!!!

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Don't you hate jokes about German sausage? They're the wurst!

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Why did the SSD burn a flag? Because it was a Patriot Blaze

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Charles Dickens walks into a bar... and orders a martini. The bartender asks "olive 'er twist?"

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What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!

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How much does a truck full of bones weigh? A skeleTon

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Max wondered why the ball was slowly growing larger... and then it hit him.

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Why did the jellyroll? He saw the apple turnover.

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Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

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Why did the wave fail the driving test? It kept crashing on the beach.

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I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... ...so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops.

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