Why don't you see penguins in Britain? Because they're afraid of Wales

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There once was a jealous zombie... But he ate his heart out.

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What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

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"We don't serve time travelers here" A time traveler walks into a bar.

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Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing? Because he was absolutely ribbeting!

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Why can't you run in a camp ground? You can only 'ran'; it's past tents.

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There are two types of people in this world 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

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What do you cal a bear with extreme mood swings? A bi-polar bear.

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I was eating mint chocolates and I felt sick after eight.

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If I bought a balloon for $0.99 ... How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?

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How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho-path.

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A farmer who rolled over a cart of horse manure... is reported to be in "stable condition."

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What was the car doing in the dressing room? Changing attire.

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What do you call a lion in the circus. A Carny-vore

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What do Egyptians do when their mass transit breaks down? Get Anubis.

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Why are there no midget accountants? They always come up short.

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What do you call a car that eats other cars? A carnivore.

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Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked

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What did the corn say when it was complemented? Aww, shucks!

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How do you kill bread? Bake it for a little while, and it will be toast.

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