New Internet acronym: RALSHMICOMN Rolling Around Laughing So Hard Milk Is Coming Out My Nose

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff. Whats blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding its breath

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Why was the lobster upset? Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

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My shower had a bit of mildew- -but all it took was a little... scrubbing!!!

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Why did the vampire use mouthwash? Because he had bat breath

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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning? He was *too far out, maaan*.

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How do you stop a charging bull? Take away its credit card!

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon? There was no atmosphere

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Whats Marios favorite type of jeans? denim denim denim!

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud.

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Who's the world's greatest underwater spy? Pond. James Pond.

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Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do.

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Have you heard what I think of windmills? Big Fan.

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What is H.P. Lovecraft's cook book called? The Necronomnomnomicon.

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Why did the wave fail the driving test? It kept crashing on the beach.

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I knew this guy who would ask men at church, "is your tie made out of bird cloth?" *blank stare* "It's cheep, cheep, cheep."

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Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

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I just found out I'm colorblind It came out of the yellow.

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You know what they say about men that have big feet? #They wear big shoes!

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