What do you call a blind, legless buck? No eye-deer.

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Have you seen the movie - Constipated? No? Why? Cause it hasn't come out yet!

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How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat patty!

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What's my New Year resolution? Well, I just got a Hi-Def TV, so it's 1920 X 1080i.

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I would never exaggerate... ...in a million years.

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What did the dad buffalo say when his offspring left for college? Bison

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Why did the cookie go to the gym? To get in shape.

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Why were the Libyans eating money? They were having dinar.

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What Johnny Mercer song does December 21st remind you of? Autumn Leaves.

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Never try to kill a termite with a napkin. It'll only get bigger.

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Why are colds such bad robbers? Because they're so easy to catch!

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What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

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How did the firefly feel when he flew into the fan? He was de-lighted

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Why are pirates so mean? I dont know, they just arrrrrrrrr!

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What do you call a Romanian grocery clerk? Scanthesku

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Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing.

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There once was a girl from Nantucket... Who carried her ice in a bucket. She walked down a hill. She had a great spill. And when she got up, she said, "I'm going to watch my step next time!"

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What goes oh oh oh? Santa walking backwards.

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Where do dinosaurs get their pickles from? Vlasic Park

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What did the topic sentence say to the evidence? Why aren't you supporting me?

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