Math problem: I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now? Diabetes.
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Four years ago, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
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Why don't robots have any brothers anymore? Because they have trans-sisters.
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Ask your doctor if left is right for you.
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What do you call a happy penguin? A pengrin!
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I know a woman who owns a taser... Let me tell you, she's stunning!
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What was Carl Sagan's favorite drink? Cosmos.
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Why was Farmer Bob so good at his job? Because he was outstanding in his field
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What is a bacteria's OTHER favorite dish? The PETRI dish!
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Why did the Fall break off from all the other seasons? Because it wanted autumnomy
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What did Cholera say to Malaria? Are you gonna Jaundice on Saturday?
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You know what they say about men that have big feet? #They wear big shoes!
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Saitama tried to change his Facebook password to Goku but Facebook said it was too weak...
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What does the horse call the pigs on his farm? Neigh-boars.
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How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later.
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What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? "Quack, quack, quack."
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A man walks into an apple store and...... farts every one is really angry and there all shouting so he says it's not my fault you don't have windows
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