How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff? Straight jack it.

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How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prince...

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What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? Curses! Foil again!

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one

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What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaaiiiins......

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I don't like going to funerals early in the day. I'm not much of a mourning person.

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What did the blue denims say to the black denims? I guess we have different genes!

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Which fairground ride is made of iron? The ferrous wheel

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I'm getting mighty fed up with these sheep-human hybrids! What is with ewe people!?

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Did you hear about the guy who invented a knife that can cut four loaves of bread at once? He's calling it the "Four Loaf Cleaver."

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I'll always remember what my uncle said before he passed on up... "Flying houses? Talking dogs? That movie looks dumb."

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Wash the alligator clips with rubbing alcohol during flu season Protect yourself from catching a terminal illness.

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Some people have trouble sleeping... ...but I can do it with my eyes closed...

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What did the elephant say to the horn-less rhino? "Rhino horn?"

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Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

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I'm a social person. I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

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How did the Pillsbury Dough Boy Die? A Yeast Infection

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What do you call a bug that can't talk? A hoarse fly.

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What did batman say to robin before robin got in the car? get in the car

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Just went to an emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers.

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