Knock knock. Who's there? A cow. A cow who? Not a cow "who"! A cow moos. An owl says "who".
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What do you call a group of security guards in front of a Samsung store? Guardians of the Galaxy.
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All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh... But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.
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What happens when your cousin eats all the Pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving? Plump kin!
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What is a Martian's favorite chocolate? A Mars bar
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What do you find in a cloud's shorts? Thunderpants!
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What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop.
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What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house? ...it was repossessed!
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What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A Milk Dud.
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What is H.P. Lovecraft's cook book called? The Necronomnomnomicon.
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How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian.
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What do you call a fish that operates on brains? A brain sturgeon.
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Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxyz hate hanging out with the letter n? Because n always has to be the center of attention.
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What did the slab of meat say when it was covered in salt and left out to dry? "I'm cured!"
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What does a Mexican magician make for breakfast? Toast-tah-dahs!
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Which word is the longest in the English language? Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters
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Did you know that 1 in every doll, in every doll, in every doll, in every doll are Russian?
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What did the floor say to the desk? I can see your drawers!
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What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.
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