You know why ancient Greek children were always getting lost from their parents? 'Cause they kept Roman around!

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What do Egyptians do when their mass transit breaks down? Get Anubis.

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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.

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How does a mathematician get Tan? Sin/Cos

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What did the Pelican say to the fish when he was running late for work? I'll catch you later!

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What's the difference between Botox and Borax? Two letters.

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Where does the thumb meet its type? At the SPACE BAR!

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At the end of the Age of Dinosaurs what happened to the good ones? They got veloci-raptured.

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What was wrong with the wooden car? It wooden go.

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How do you unlock a monastery door? With a monk key.

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X-post from r/jokes: "Hey! The dog you sold me yesterday just fell over and died today!" "Huh, strange. He's never done that before."

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What do you call an old fruit-picker in Wisconsin? Cherry-atric

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Why did the football go to the doctor? It had a deflated ego.

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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

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Did you hear about the mathematician who hated negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!

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Tasted the best Borscht ever! It'll be hard to beet.

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What did the tailpipe say to the muffler? I'm exhausted. What did the muffler say back? ^mmmmbfmbm

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Kind of a kid joke What kind of cereal do zombies like? Kellog's All Brain

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What is the medical term for owning too many dogs? A Roverdose

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What did the french butter say when it got stocked in the cooler? Beurre... I came up with this today while grocery shopping. I'm ridiculously pleased with myself.

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