I was eating mint chocolates and I felt sick after eight.

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Why was the Egyptian kid confused? Because his daddy was a mummy

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How many ears does Captain Picard have? A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.

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I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day. He's head of quality control at Lays.

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Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies!

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Do you guys/gals like horse jokes? Yeah or neeiiigghh?

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What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? Pardon me, I'm just a little hoarse.

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What do you call two crows? Attempted murder.

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What song can never be played on #throwback Thursday? Friday by Rebecca Black

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Today I'm 45. But with the wind chill I feel like 32.

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I knew this guy who was so dumb... he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? Two white stallions fell in the mud.

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Why couldn't Joe be friends with a double-amputee? Because he's lack-toes intolerant.

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How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source? They chia'd.

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Why doesn't the sun need to go to University? He's too bright.

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Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie. (sounds like way up high)

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Why Does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? For drizzle, my nizzle.

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My uncle wanted to give all his sheep a sex change... But it entailed too many ramifications!

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I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.

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Why did the pencil go to the doctor? It had a lead problem.

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